


I need to make it right

by dorina16able



Series: Begin Again [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: ALMOST Character Death, Almost miscarriage, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Parents, F/M, Family Fluff, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Stubborn Eren Yeager, confused Mikasa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 12:02:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorina16able/pseuds/dorina16able
Summary: Life seems to have found its rhythms and the old ghosts are buried for the former soldiers. Still, insecurities and qualms run deep for all of them and the women of the group are called to bring the balance for the stubborn hotheads they love.





	I need to make it right

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, guys, here's the final one-shot of this series, hope you'll like it. Takes place six years after the last story, so the main characters are around twenty-seven years old. Hope you'll like it.
> 
> I so need to write stories where they are all alive and well, especially after the recent manga chapters.

It’s silent in the house when Jean enters, dropping his cloak on a small chair. He used to hate the silence, especially in the military; it made him be on edge, constantly fearing for what might lurk in the corners, tensing at the tiniest sound. Now, though, he’s grown to like it, it’s content, comfortable, with only the sounds of the ocean and the breeze nearby.

Sasha jokes that he only likes the silence because Mina wakes them up two or three times the night, but Jean can’t ignore the fear in her eyes whenever she says that: he knows that this joke is an attempt to block away the horror of three weeks ago, the terrifying feeling of the upcoming loss and the still-existing feeling of gratitude that they are all here, together with the knowledge how fragile life is even without the persisting fear of the Titans.

Thinking that he almost lost both Sasha and his newborn daughter at the same moment still makes him wince, gives him the urge to cry, makes him want to look after them even more than he already does. The old guilt and self-loathing constantly threatens to resurface, the thought that all this was somehow his fault, but he has managed to swallow it and convince himself to stop doing this to him and his family.

And said family includes Connie, who lives with them and is now in the kitchen, the room illuminated by the glow of the oil lamp. No matter how much Jean complained about the other man’s cheerfulness during the war, he owes Connie big time: not only because he makes sure that everyone is healthy and happy, but also because he manages to bring even a small smile out of Sasha these weeks…not to mention that he took care of her and Marco while he was considered dead six years ago.

_“I seriously don’t know how to thank you, man,” he tells Connie the night of his return while holding his son, secretly watching Sasha talking and laughing with Mikasa and Hanji and his chest swells with love and pride for the strength she handled herself with all this time. “For being here for both of them when I wasn’t.”_

_“Hey, shut it, we know this isn’t your fault. And no need to thank me, buddy.” Connie dismisses the sentimentality with a smirk, although the relief for having his friend back, for Sasha having the one she loves and Marco his father, is clear. “Stay, Jean,” he adds and turns serious now, knowing that none will be able to endure another loss. “Stay with them, it’s what all of you deserve after everything.”_

_Jean only nods and he plans to keep this promise even if the whole world ends._

“How was patrol?” Connie wants to know now as he hands Jean a cup of water and Jean can’t help but chuckle; who would have known that Connie would be something like a pillar for this house, making sure that everyone is taken care of in light of recent events?

“Pretty quiet, ran into Eren and Floch on the way back.” Jean replies; the Survey Corps continues its work, trying to figure out more about the world the authorities hid from them for so many years, travelling to the walls and spying on people in order to find out more about Marley and the warrior program; although Jean has made it clear: as far as he’s concerned, he’ll only take patrols and missions that don’t require long distances.

After the spying mission six years ago that almost cost him his life and made him abandon Sasha and unborn Marco and after the ordeal of three weeks prior, the thought of leaving them is something he’s not even considering anymore.

“How’s everything here?” he asks as his eyes travel to the doors leading to everyone’s rooms and for one moment he feels the familiar despair filling him; just when they were assured that Sasha’s health isn’t endangered and that Mina is getting stronger and stronger every day, Marco developed this severe fever four days ago—Jean still remembers the boy’s ragged breaths, his heated forehead, his whimpers during his sleep, how everyone fussed over him trying to give him comfort; in fact, if Hanji hadn’t assured him that Marco would be up in two or three days, he wouldn’t even go to patrol tonight.

“They’re all fine and Hanji was here earlier to give Marco his medicine, she said you’d better give it to him again before sleeping.” Connie willingly explains, noticing his friend’s distress. “And I sent Sasha to bed, she looks like she needs the rest.”

“Thanks, it’s time she gets some sleep.”

“Hey, hey, stop being scared.” Connie comfortingly pats Jean’s shoulder. “Everything’s alright and your little munchkins are both tough little ones, fighters like their parents.”

 

Marco’s sleep has gotten way calmer compared to the last days and that calms Jean’s tensed nerves a lot as he enters his room. His head is relaxed as it rests on the pillow, arms curled around his blanket, ash-brown hair almost looking blond in the light of the candle that’s on his bedside table to prevent his nightmares—Jean rolls his eyes when he remembers how Eren used to joke that the boy doesn’t look like ‘a young horse’.

The vial with his medicine is next to the candle, together with a glass and a note with Hanji’s messy handwriting—seriously, the woman is one of the best scientists they could ever have, she was a Squad Leader, she became Commader, she led so many soldiers through countless dangers and yet, her enthusiasm and messy character remains every bit the same. Jean pours the necessary amount of the liquid in the glass before checking Marco’s forehead—cooler, no sweat, clearly the fever has fallen. He watches the boy’s face, his nose wrinkling as he sleeps—Sasha insists that even this is something he’s inherited from him—and the bitter pain stings him once more.

When Sasha was at Marco’s age, she was already an orphan after her mother’s death.

When Jean was at Marco’s age, he was under his own mom’s loving care, but with a father who was constantly absent.

Marco himself almost lost both his mother and his baby sister.

_Jean is slumped on the kitchen table, head hidden between his hands, tears running down his face and helpless sobs making his shoulders shake. Right now he doesn’t care to appear as strong or stubborn, it has absolutely no sense when those you love are in such grave danger. One second he and Sasha were happily expecting the arrival of their second child; he still recalls his enthusiasm when Sasha told him the news and Marco’s excitement at having a younger sibling. The next second, everything hangs from a very thin thread due to complications that occurred during the birth; right now, Hanji, Mikasa and Hitch are fighting in there and trying to save both Sasha and the baby and he is forced to sit there, unable to do anything to help them and desperately praying for everything to go well._

_“I…I have to go to Marco,” he whispers and tries to stand up; right now his child is his only hope, his only life-line he can lean on, but Connie’s restraining hand on his shoulder prevents him from leaving._

_“If Marco sees you like that, he’ll know that something’s wrong,” he says, hand squeezing his friend’s shoulder and eyes focused on the door, concerned to find out something about his best friend’s health. “He’s fine with Eren and Armin, Jean, let’s not worry him before we have some news.”_

_Jean feels so weak, that he doesn’t have endurances for more objections. He only leans against Connie’s arm, deprived of his energy, and only hoping for this torturing agony to stop._

He shakes his head, trying to get rid of the memory, but it seems impossible; this moment is imprinted in his mind and there are moments when he still can’t believe that everything went well in the end. He focuses back on his son, sitting beside him and gently shaking his shoulder to wake him up.

“Dad?” Marco mumbles sleepily as he stares at him through half-closed eyes and Jean chuckles; he was a sleepyhead as a child as well, sometimes his mother needed to drag his blankets away from him to wake him up and when he was forced to wake before the sun rose as a cadet, it was the worst part of the day for him.

“Hey, little soldier. How are we feeling?”

“Bit better. Bit tired.” Marco rubs his eyes while Jean helps him sitting up and wraps an arm around him; the six-year-old leans into him, placing his head on his shoulder, instinctively searching for a source of warmth after leaving his blanket…and Jean still can’t believe the feelings of warmth and protectiveness this gesture evokes in him, this care about someone who is his own blood, a part of him.

“I know, but Hanji says you’ll be all fine in a few days.” Jean smiles at him, handing him his medicine and laughing at Marco’s frowning at the bitter taste. “I know you don’t like it, but it will help you recover faster,” he smiles at him, takes the glass away and helps him lie down, covering him with his blanket once more and running a hand through his hair. “Now go back to sleep and you’ll see that tomorrow you’ll be much better.”

“Okay. Dad?” Marco grabs his sleeve before Jean can leave, a gesture that makes him turn towards his son again, narrowing his eyebrows at the boy’s troubled expression. “Mom and Minnie will be fine, right?”

Jean sighs, aching for Marco’s worry, a worry no boy his age should have. Despite their best ways to assure him that Sasha and Mina are alright and that the danger is gone, Marco still fears for both of them, is still insecure that his mom or his sister will leave him. “They’ll both be fine, Marco, I promise you, and they will stay with us,” he says now, dropping a kiss on Marco’s temple. “Now sleep and don’t trouble yourself, okay?”

 

Instead of finding Sasha asleep, like Connie had said, he finds her standing over Mina’s crib and sighs at the sight of her pale face and the black bags under her eyes. Sasha was physically exhausted anyway and the situation only got worse with Marco’s illness and her constantly being with him, barely eating and sleeping and Jean almost feels on the verge of crying; why can’t he protect them?

Still, the smile that appears on his face comes automatically, as well as the feeling of contentment and happiness; despite their dramas, despite the fears, he’s home, the woman he loves is with him and healthier every day, their friend lives with them and fills their lives with his encouragement, his son is recovering and is a cheerful and smart little boy and his daughter is alive and strong.

_“Sasha, she’s beautiful…just like her mom,” Jean whispers softly after Hitch hands him the baby before taking her leave. Sasha is exhausted, lying down and trying to calm down after the battle she gave, but she smiles at him holding their daughter and her whole face lights up. Jean can’t stop looking at her, especially since he didn’t have that chance when Marco was born; the girl is truly the spitting image of Sasha, she has her face, her hair and the same hazel eyes that stare with curiosity at him. Sasha is still very weak to sit up and hold her, but seeing the two of them like that makes her truly believe that both of them made it._

_“So…have you chosen?” she wants to know now, speaking softly, tiredly. Ever since they learned they would become parents again, Sasha had told Jean that now it was his turn to name their child._

_Truth be told, Jean had settled on names long ago, whether the child would be a boy or a girl, he had simply kept it as a surprise until now. Just like Sasha named Marco after someone he was close to and who had a large impact on him, Jean wanted to name his sibling after someone special to Sasha; someone who had befriended and accepted her as she was and even protected her from the other cadets’ bullying; even his own, back when he was still a huge jerk._

_He has the impression that, were Mina Carolina alive, she would love the girl named after her to bits._

“Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

Sasha leaves a startled gasp as she turns, her surprised expression being replaced by a loving smile when Jean enters the room. He seems worn out and it’s normal; it’s been three very rough weeks and this, combined with the fact that today was his first patrol after months, is natural to exhaust him. And yet, his first concern is her health and recovery; she has the feeling that, deep down, he still feels guilty for everything that happened, as if he could have predicted the complications she went through while giving birth to Mina.

“The little princess was restless tonight,” she replies and gently traces a finger over the baby’s cheek while Jean kisses his daughter’s head. “Don’t worry, though, it was nothing, she calmed down with Historia’s lullaby.”

Jean nods and gives her a kiss, lingering, sweet, speaking of his happiness to be back home with them. Her appearance puts an ease to his worries, because Sasha truly seems stronger, she isn’t so pale anymore and the thin face he looked at three weeks ago has gained some weight thanks to his and Connie’s care. Not to mention that he can’t get tired of staring at her and her warm beauty; she’s even more beautiful now that she’s an adult than she was when he first met her, back when she was a bubbly and active young girl who always got in trouble with Shadis.

The hug Sasha gives him speaks volumes, helping him relax and simply bask in the intimacy of the moment as she buries her face in his neck and grabs the back of his shirt. It’s moments like these when he actually believes that nothing of the past weeks is his fault, that he doesn’t have to apologize to her because there’s nothing to forgive and that their family being together right now is the only thing that matters.

 

In cold nights, however, when winds blow and rain falls heavily and the sound of the ocean isn’t comforting, but rather ominous and threatening, that’s when Jean’s own nightmares strike, bringing back terrifying memories of torture and pain and unwillingness to fight for his life. When the thunder echoes all around he leaves a pained groan and closes his eyes, the sound reminding him of heavy footsteps approaching the cell where he was held captive and of violent blows.

In cold rainy nights is when Sasha especially loves looking after him, thinking that Jean deserves to show his vulnerable side as well. When his fears resurface mildly she simply holds him tightly, lacing their fingers together and softly murmuring all the melodies she can; in particularly difficult nights she stays awake with him until the sun rises, keeping him company, taking him to the kids so he can see that they are alive and safe and nothing has harmed them.

When she sees him slumped on the kitchen table on such a cold rainy night, blankly staring into nowhere, she smiles and silently hands him a cup of warm tea before standing behind him, rubbing his shoulders and planting gentle kisses on his hair, a movement she knows calms him down. It’s something soothing for Jean, not seeing her and yet feeling her presence behind him.

“I still find it a miracle….how you haven’t called me a coward yet,” he comments with a sigh and Sasha’s grip on Jean’s shoulders tightens immediately.

“That’s because you’re not a coward…and you know it,” she simply says, leaning her head against his and glad that he can’t see her right now…because everyone’s been so destroyed by the war and the tragedies that the traumas and nightmares won’t ever leave, they only fade away…and she can see so much of Jean and her in their children that it’s almost bittersweet: how Marco is really sensitive to very loud noises and how Mina quiets only when she’s in someone’s arms, like she needs an assurance that she’s not alone.

A knock on the door startles them both, since it’s pretty late already and they didn’t expect any visitors with the rain falling like that. Another surprise awaits them, though, when Sasha goes to open the door and comes back with Mikasa, who’s wearing her Scout cloak, hood covering her head, rain and something that reminds them of confusion on her face.

“Sorry for coming like that…I hope I didn’t wake up Marco and Mina,” she says as she sits down, Sasha taking her cloak and Jean handing her a cup of tea as well.

“Don’t worry, even if they were awake they’d love to see you.” Sasha smiles, although the black-haired woman doesn’t return the smile, lost in her own thoughts, making the couple exchange worried glances, for it’s been a long time since the last time they saw her so distraught.

 “It’s just that…I really need your advice.”

“Well, what did Eren do this time?”

“ _Jean_!” Sasha hisses and nudges him, although deep down she has the feeling that Jean’s guess is right; Eren is basically the only one who can reduce the combative and determined Mikasa to this confused being, that has been the case ever since their cadet days.

“He…He said he wants to leave this place. Go back to Shiganshina, live in our home, investigate the basement…and all this on his own.” Mikasa explains and her friends leave a groan. It’s been five years since the last time Eren told them he wants to go and live in his old hometown alone, without anyone, something that surely has its roots in the role his father played in the Titan war…and the words Zeke told him during the battle in the district, that both of them were Grisha Jaeger’s victims, instruments he used for his own purposes.

“I thought he had gotten past that…That he was happy to be with you, that Armin had helped him…that he didn’t feel so guilty anymore,” Sasha says and can’t help but sigh: old qualms still plague all of them and it’s normal, with everything they’ve witnessed and the losses they’ve suffered, but everything fades away since they’re all together, everyone feels better in the presence of friends, allies and comrade; even Hitch has started overcoming the crimes of the MPs and Marlowe’s death with their help ever since she abandoned the Police and came here to join them, two years ago.

“I thought so too. But I guess that Hanji telling us she’s planning to move us all back to Trost to build a new HQ there affected him…he keeps saying how much potential I have, how much better I deserve, how he doesn’t want me to commit myself to someone whose father held so many secrets and who put everyone in so much danger.”

“What? But that’s nonsense, it wasn’t Eren’s fault, there’s a much bigger picture here, it goes even back when the first Titan was created!” Sasha exclaims, recalling everything they learned from Dr. Jaeger’s diaries all those years ago, every piece of information that explained the mess they had been thrown into and all the questions still left unanswered.

“He still thinks it’s somehow his fault. That he’s disappointed everyone, that he needs to make everything right.” Jean comments, causing curious glares from the two women. Recognition sparks in Sasha’s eyes and for the first time since Mikasa knocked on their door she can relate to her situation completely…of course, why didn’t she see the signs from the beginning, the similarities?  Her gaze meets Jean’s, who realizes immediately what she thinks and gives her a loving smile. “Sasha…tell her.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s the only way to talk some sense into this moron!”

“What do you mean, guys?”

“Mom? Dad?”

“Ah, there’s our little potato.” Sasha leaves a chuckle, turning the mood from heavy to humorous in an instant for the boy’s sake while kneeling in front of him and bringing him into her hug. “Sorry we woke you up.”

“’M just a bit thirsty.” Marco whispers sleepily and his hazel eyes fall on the black-haired visitor as his father ruffles his messy hair and Sasha pours him a glass of water. “Auntie Mikasa!”

“Hello, Marco,” Mikasa smiles at the little boy and gives him such a tight embrace that he leaves a small sound of protest, although everyone knows it’s fake; these two are really fond of each other, so much, that Connie teases her that she has found someone else to spoil with her love now that she and Eren have grown up. “Now look who’s all healthy and recovered, will we see you running near the ocean again?”

“Uh-huh and soon I’ll take Minnie with me.” Marco says excitedly, making everyone chuckle, for he reminds them so much of how they were as carefree and adventurous toddlers. Still, the memories of everything she has witnessed ever since she was a child bring a melancholic smile on Mikasa’s face, something that doesn’t go unnoticed by the boy. “Are you okay, Auntie Mikasa? You look really sad.”

“Oh, yes, Marco, I’m fine, I’m just a bit tired.”

“Really? Or are you sad because Uncle Eren is a suicidal idiot? That’s what Dad and Uncle Connie say.”

“HA, that’s my boy!” Jean laughs triumphantly and high-fives Marco, earning a chuckle from Mikasa and a glare from Sasha.

“I told you and Connie not to speak so loudly because Marco can hear you!”

“But he _is_!”

“I know he is, but do you think that the little one needs to know too?”

“Why not?”

“ _Jean_! For the love of—“

“Sorry,” Jean smiles innocently at her, although he secretly winks towards his son, who bursts in a fist of laughter. “Come, little man, let’s get you to bed and let the ladies speak.”

“Okay. Night, Mom, night Auntie!”

“Sweet dreams, darling.”

“Good night, Marco.”

“I swear, I have four children to raise instead of two,” Sasha shakes her head, although she can’t hide her amusement; after everything, seeing Jean and Connie behaving like carefree children makes her feel happy that they’re still able to laugh and tease each other.

“Now, what was that about something that will make Eren see sense?”

 

“You know you don’t have to leave to make things right.”

“Spare me, Mikasa, there’s no way I’ll change my mind, so don’t bother—“

“No, Eren, now you’ll listen to me!” Mikasa cries out and Eren stops talking, staring at her as if he’s looking at her for the first time, for Mikasa hasn’t spoken so angrily and combatively for years, she was careful with her words around him ever since the Battle of Shiganshina. “You can’t just go and decide without asking for my opinion!”

_“When Marco was three or four years old, Jean’s guilt came back like it hadn’t in years. Everything had resurfaced, his nightmares, his insecurity…he couldn’t sleep at nights, he barely talked to me and he kept treating Marco like we’d lose him at any moment. He pretty much shut me out of everything that scared him, no matter how hard I tried to be there for him…but then I realized I was making a huge mistake.”_

_“Mistake?”_

_“Yes, Mikasa. In my need to comfort him I had forgotten Jean’s needs, what he really needed to do and hear to get better. Because Jean never needed only sweet words and comfort, he also needs something to trigger his determination, something to make him combative again.” Sasha still scolds herself for not seeing it sooner, especially since everyone always told her how good it did them to have someone like her, who manages to encourage everyone even in the darkest moments._

_“So what did you do?”_

_“Remember when I begged you to look after Marco for one night because there was something really important Jean and I needed to do? When Connie slept over at your house as well?” Sasha waits for Mikasa’s nod before continuing. “That night we had a huge fight, Mikasa; I practically stopped with the gentle words and went for anger, because that’s the only way for Jean to burst everything out; when he’s really angry he expresses everything that’s torturing him.”_

“Why are you so insisting? I’m practically letting you go to live the life you deserve, without that stench following you! The Titan Shifter, the one whose father murdered the entire Reiss family to get the Coordinate, the one—“

“The one who played such an important role in helping humanity! The one thanks to whom we freed Trost and retook Shiganshina; our _home_! The one who saved my life from those who killed my parents and wanted to sell me when I was only nine years old!” Mikasa interrupts him, intently looking at him with her sparking, black eyes. “You are _not_ responsible for this whole mess!”

“S-So many secrets…so much pain that could have been avoided, so many dangers…so many chases by people who thought _we_ were the enemies!” Eren exclaims, though it is clear that his resolve has started to break, since his whole body is shaking. Mikasa nostalgically remembers the boy Eren was in the military, the one who always stood his ground and never gave up, no matter the risks….it seems that freedom and the revelations have broken his determination and brought reflection and guilt to surface.

_“But…But the fact that you used this method on Jean doesn’t mean it will work on Eren too.” Mikasa objects, seeing the logic behind Sasha’s suggestion but afraid of using it…Eren’s on edge anyway, snapping at everyone and unwilling to open up, what will happen if she challenges him like that?_

_“Mikasa, Mikasa,” Sasha chuckles and winks at her, making the black-haired woman wonder where Potato Girl gains her hope and courage from, “both of us know that these two stubborn hotheads have way more things in common than they will ever admit. Including their combativeness and determination to stay strong no matter what. This is the only way to make Eren realize that you are here, you love him and that nothing of all this was his fault._

_“And something else,” she adds and her chuckle fades, being replaced by a serious expression, “even if you start an argument to trigger a reaction from him, don’t use it as a chance to pay him back for him shutting you out.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Don’t use any words that will hurt him, intentionally or accidentally. This argument is to make your point clear and to give him the chance to burst out, not to take out your nerves on him.”_

Mikasa now has Sasha’s advice in mind, which is why she bites her lips and doesn’t loudly say the words that threaten to slip out; she doesn’t call him a coward, she doesn’t yell at him that he always runs away and dismisses her whenever something’s hurting him, she doesn’t challenge him to leave for Shiganshina and abandon her after all the times she supported him. Besides, she sees Eren’s endurances and persistence to leave already abandoning him, crumbling in front of her raised voice and her telling him that he has no responsibility in the mistakes and crimes of the past; which is why she swallows all these words and carefully cups his face in her hands, forcing him to meet her gaze.

“Eren, Eren, listen to me! Nothing is your fault and you don’t have to pay for anything! You don’t have to be on your own, you don’t have to think that you shame me and Armin by staying with us!” she’s still speaking loudly, but her tone has nothing of the venom it previously had. “Because I’m here, I care, I love you and nothing will change that!”

Eren falters under the sound of her voice, the assuring words, the guilt of the past, and he slumps forward so he leans against her, head pressed on her shoulder and a hand clinging on the back of her shirt. He feels the warmth of her strong embrace, bringing peace over him like he hasn’t felt it in years and now he can’t stop the tears from running down his face, an outburst of everything that’s been torturing his mind ever since he was a fifteen-year-old struggling for survival and freedom. His grip on her tightening, he brings himself even closer to her, placing soft kisses on her neck as if thanking her for putting up with him.

“You’re staying.” Mikasa says with a smile and feels Eren’s nod against her skin.

“Couldn’t leave you and Armin.”

 

_“Do you think it will work?” Jean asks Sasha after Mikasa takes her leave; for once he’s ignoring the sound of the thundering rain outside, focused on Sasha and on soothing baby Mina, who’s snuggled in his arms._

_“Wonders.”  
_


End file.
